My parents told me that I was near death from spinal meningitis at 18 months. Nearly died from it. Pulled through somehow. 

Near death crap. 

I fell through the ice of a pond far from where anyone could have seen me or helped me. I have no idea how I got out. 

Near death crap.

Drunk, I jumped off a cliff into darkness assuming but not knowing if there was water below and

Not knowing how to swim,

I landed in water with rocks and old machinery around me

Climbed a cliff sobering fast….

Near death crap. 

Tried to kill myself with poison at age 19. A gas of some sort that sent me up a tunnel of light looking down on my body then back with a WHOOSH!

Near death crap.

Had a blood clot in my my leg had an ultra sound and found another about to fall into a big vein and head for the lungs… 

Near death crap. 

Other things happened I 

Things my mind does not want to process again, 

That coulda died

Almost died 

Near death crap

Every day I live in gratitude of being alive

Every day I accept I been living on borrowed time because of those 

Coulda died

Maybe shoulda died’s

Near death craps

Some day that wind is going to whisper too near

And in passing

Reach for me

Bump me harder than all the other times

Kill me with that disease

Keep me under ice

Clot me gasping good

Make me continue on up that bright light tunnel…

So much for near death then…

no more

No more…

I learned to embrace life

Savor so many amazing mundane moments 

Moments that ARE BEING ALIVE


And not near any death of mine.

Too many feel that puff of wind that nearly sends them over 

Then into that bright tunnel

Coming back 

They never learned

Not a damn thing

Never changed

Never got BETTER

From the teachers of the near deaths

Those great lessons of a gasp in wonder… 

It changed me every time

Shocked into seeing everything

Everyone different

With more beauty


An intensity of gaining more life by …

Going to near the near death craps.

How did I ever get this wonderfully far…

What a lesson it all is

Life is so precious after a brush with that dark wind 


Then out of

That tunnel of light. 

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