Today at work I had a moment in which I felt and remembered how many bullies I have known. In the factory. In the office of the factory. At home. My father. Others in my family that want to push me down and humiliate me. Bosses that often threatened to fire me for… stupid shit that never mattered beyond a moment. A moment of POWER they felt they had over me to push me down. 

I bent, 

Over and over I bent and at times the pressure of the bullies made me weep. 

But I always pulled myself together and rose up again.

I was never fired.

I bent

I put on my mask 

I put away my rage that could have killed

them and me. 

I was the only kid in my family my father gave beatings to. The other kids have no idea what that was like. They have no idea what it was to be the hated child as my father died, hating me in some part of his fading self. 

I have come to see that I am stronger than the bullies 

Because I do not choose to BE like them.

To beat someone down with my wealth

To beat someone down because I can make them jobless. 

To beat someone down because of some SICK joy at being able to do so.

I am and have been better than that

Better than all those that beat me down

but did not destroy me.

I am better because…

I chose to use them

as reflections

as images, 

OF HOW NOT TO BE.

Sometimes I find myself yelling at my bird for doing some thing of mischief

Then I laugh and treat it kindly

Because I am not THAT person 

To the smallest 

the weakest 

the most innocent 

as I may have been,

No,

I am better than that

I am stronger

I can reach in 

reach out

with KINDNESS

FORGIVENESS

EMPATHY

COMPASSION

And in my strongest moments, 

unlike 

and opposite all those that tried to

and did

beat me down….

I can reach out with LOVE

and in THAT,

And am stronger than them all. 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s