Today at work I had a moment in which I felt and remembered how many bullies I have known. In the factory. In the office of the factory. At home. My father. Others in my family that want to push me down and humiliate me. Bosses that often threatened to fire me for… stupid shit that never mattered beyond a moment. A moment of POWER they felt they had over me to push me down.
Over and over I bent and at times the pressure of the bullies made me weep.
But I always pulled myself together and rose up again.
I was never fired.
I put on my mask
I put away my rage that could have killed
them and me.
I was the only kid in my family my father gave beatings to. The other kids have no idea what that was like. They have no idea what it was to be the hated child as my father died, hating me in some part of his fading self.
I have come to see that I am stronger than the bullies
Because I do not choose to BE like them.
To beat someone down with my wealth
To beat someone down because I can make them jobless.
To beat someone down because of some SICK joy at being able to do so.
I am and have been better than that
Better than all those that beat me down
but did not destroy me.
I am better because…
I chose to use them
OF HOW NOT TO BE.
Sometimes I find myself yelling at my bird for doing some thing of mischief
Then I laugh and treat it kindly
Because I am not THAT person
To the smallest
the most innocent
as I may have been,
I am better than that
I am stronger
I can reach in
And in my strongest moments,
and opposite all those that tried to
beat me down….
I can reach out with LOVE
and in THAT,
And am stronger than them all.