I am an ATHEIST that has no belief in any god or the supernatural but at times I wonder as I wondered as a child if my oldest oldest brother is looking out for me.
You see, 2 years before I was born, I had a brother that was killed in some stupid incident at his school. He was 8 when he died. All my life I have been haunted by that. I suppose all 3 of my siblings have. I have always wondered: WHAT IF… he had lived through that knife wound. Had not been killed by that knife in his back. WHAT WOULD his life have been like? How would my parents have been without the life changing grief of his death? WOULD I HAVE BEEN BORN? HAD my parents had another child had Philip lived, I would not be the I, I am. Probably some other “I”.
I have wondered if in some way, Phil has lived. Continued on as some benevolent force looking out for his stupid living little brother he never knew yet wondered about him so often.


I wonder if it was HE that pulled me out of the pond when I fell in and had no idea how I was rescued from under the ice that horrid winter’s day.

Did HE save me so many times during my drunken druggy times?


Did HE save me from suicide that time?


Did he save me from drunk driving near deaths a few times?


A few days ago did HE make me swerve in time to escape hitting cars when I was driving with exhaustion?


Yes, although an atheist I have wondered about such. I have no belief in any god or supernatural things but…
I do wonder if Phil is still around some how some way looking after his at times stupid little brother.
I wonder if in some way did Phil grow to be an adult Phil just hanging around watching over others?
Or is Phil just an eternally young force of good?
As a salute to my oldest older brother, maybe if someone asks me if I believe in god I can honestly answer, “No, but I believe in Phil”.

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