When I was young

Death was an abstract

Animals died

People on tv and in the movies died

(But not really)

Someone’s grandma

Grandpa

Father or mother 

Died

They grieved and they lived.

People in distant places died

American soldiers died

The draft just died and I was safe

No distant war on tv death for me

No sirree

I was young

I was mortal without thinking about 

Just living…

Death for other people 

Other things

Death in fictions

Not my reality until…

The pains of life chipped away at me 

Suddenly times dumbly staring pain filled eyes glazing

(I think I’m dying,

No you’re just getting old

And feeling like death when you get up in the morning)

Suddenly times driving 

Wondering if death is in the headlights ahead

Or that slam of pain in my chest at work 

Or simply

Not waking up

Or horribly

Feeling the shock 

The horror

Of an erupting sun not the sun.

Older now I feel like sitting on my porch 

Waiting for IT

Like a passing visitor come to take my immortality

Like a passing newspaper reporter come to take my name 

Add it to the names of the kids I grew up with

Ah is that MY name someone see’s with the growing list of dying in MY generation?

Older now

I feel like sitting on my porch 

Inviting it over

Come over Stranger,

I’ve been waiting for you all my Old life,

Give me a hug and 

Fuck it 

Let’s get this moment over with. 

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