Yesterday at work, the owner of the company went on and on about some stupid shit that happened at the company a few years ago. He wanted to make me feel uncomfortable about it. A few people had blown their holiday pay by being late. I was one of them. I think? I know I was one year. I then begged for him to let it slide. I don’t remember the incident. I believe it happened. The Owner kept going on and on about some “cosmic meaning” and I told him I don’t believe in that shit and told him it was weird he hung on to that memory. I walked away letting him babble on.
Today a coworker rattled off the particulars and people of a time years ago. I vaguely remembered it. I never think stuff from work is worth remembering. It all seems to blend together. Of no importance to me unless it was an extreme event.
So many hold onto memories that have meaning to them but are nothing to me. I know that many things I remember are nothing to others. I don’t remember that much it seems to me. It feels like heavy lifting. Holding on to memories. I vaguely remember girl friends and events in those relationships. I have few memories of anything in my school years except for the extremely traumatic. Yet others remember so many details – or claim to. To me it’s hoarding. What THEY may remember is different from others of the same event. Sometimes memory is just PAINFUL. Such as for example, remembering what my dog looked like. I don’t want to remember. I do not want to remember how much I loved him and what great times we had. How he died. Yes I remember THAT. I don’t want to inflict pain on myself with memory.
I think it’s a good thing in me that I don’t remember a lot. I don’t hold onto stuff. I think now that the mind needs to travel light. Let go of the baggage and keep open to the present not weighed down by the past.