Tonight I realized I am doing good for this time of year. Thing about being an atheist for ME is, things usually get depressing this time of year because most everyone else is out there doing the Christmas thing. Jolly ho ho commercialism! All that Jesus mythology and the worst part is the memories of childhood and youth that flood back and kick me in the back of my gut sometimes. I usually get depressed and freaky weird this time of year. More so than normal 😉
Work has been near death lately. I could see it coming. I found things to do to help my boss keep me going and not make it too hard for him. Happens when you know the factory. The ebba and flow of supply and demand. I had some vacation time left and asked to borrow some from next year. GRANTED! Yesterday I blew off the Christmas banquet at work and stayed home. I ordered some gifts for myself and my bird. Bird don’t give a damn. That’s cool. Bird seemed to sense my mood yesterday. LOW. Not crazy low but just disoriented with life low. Maybe the bird could sense my body changes from not eating for 30 hours. I fasted that long. Felt good but I kept waking up in the middle of the night looking at the time. If enough time had passed for me to get up and eat. It was a great feeling FEELING some hunger. REAL desire for food. Got up at 5. Ate a simple breakfast. Out for a walk for half an hour. Walking stick tapping away. Ordered a few operas. Feel like bursting out in hysterical laughter thinking of, “you actually LIKE that stuff?”. Got on the stationary bike for 30 minutes. Laughing my ass off at times looking over at the BIRD watching me. WATCHING ME! Probably not making any judgements but must have been entertaining.
A big fear having the rest of the year off is blood clots from sitting around. Have had this planned, like a journey. STAY IN MOTION! Get on the bike for just a few minutes. Take a walk or 2 per day. Eat and drink healthy. My new favorite drink is Kombucha! Add enough fruit flavoring and the stuff is passable.
Tonight I have realized that I DO LAUGH A LOT. I look at the antics of the bird and laugh. I have one way conversations and often laugh at how insane it is. Dammit! Act like you understand me for once! I make the bird look at me funny by singing to it. Off key.
See WHY I AM DOING SO GOOD?
I am laughing often!
I don’t care if I may sound like a crazy old man.
I don’t care how I look when I go grocery shopping.
I am not a depressed mess because I am not sleeping with a woman these days.
I am letting go of the past painful memories by simply thinking, “that was then and then is over” or something like that.
Yeah I am alone again for the holidays. No self pity. I feel great because I am having fun in my own ways. Enjoying my own talking to myself of sorts. My own simple cooking and despite junking a bit I am working on being healthy.
1 hour walk tomorrow. Got something to prove to myself.
I can probably find something to laugh about. Inside or outside of me.
Makes you feel alive and want to be alive for more 🙂