Sometimes I wonder about them

I so old now

They….. did they become as old as I?

Who?

The bullies and bad guys of my youth

The thieves

The twisted people with the nice open smiles

Deception clasped tight in their fist behind their backs.

I wonder about that kid that had that odd punk accent

That would hit me and wait for me to hit back

Not doing so,

Seeing me cower from him,

He hit again

And again

And again until…

I wonder whatever happened to him?

I looked for him on Facebook.

On the net

Maybe I should have looked for him in prisons

Or unmarked graves.

Because how we react to bullies and bad guys is about US,

I hope Vincent,

You changed and lived harmlessly ever after. 

I wonder about the group that stole that safe from my basement 

Then looked me in the eye

Stammering their innocence when I knew,

They were guilty as hell.

Like Vincent,

Off the radar.

Hey Dave… I hope you went clean and lived happily ever after.

I wonder about that odd kid that sold me a bag of weeds

LITERALLY WEEDS

When I was so desperate for a high so long ago.

He laughed about it

Laughed at my anger 

But it was a lesson too: Don’t be so fucking HIGH when you want to score shit.

Decades ago I remember meeting one of the most fearsome of the school bullies

Shocking how he pumped my hand smiling

Pulled out his wallet and smiled so broadly showing me photos of his wife and kids.

I still smile at how HE changed so good … so good.

I wonder about the big guy I saw beating a small kid to a pulp

Or so it seemed

When I was in the mental hospital when I was 8.

How an attendant jumped him and held him down crying.

What happened to you big guy bully?

Did you change or end up in prison

Or an early marked grave 

Or just an anonymous grave?

I constantly look around me in life at the bullies

And bad guys

My youth made me know them

See inside

I see them now and laugh a little 

Then shake my head with compassion because

How we deal with the bullies is about US

Not them.

It’s a choice

How we heal and continue on through life

Or let them win … by becoming just a little like them.