What seems like many years ago I had an interest in buddhism. I realized it is the best way for this world and myself. My brother in law saw a violent video game on my computer and pointed out my hypocrisy.
I felt very bad about that, that I was not buddha-like 😉 That I felt something in the violence of games and entertainments. It has felt a guilty burden inside me.
In time I realize that if we see the way of the buddha as the way,
what we do is reach for it and walk toward it. Sometimes we stumble and fall or fall backward. What we need do is rise up, crawl, stumble or walk toward the buddha we seek inside. We may never be the buddha others see but we can try to be the buddha self WE want to be.
For example, I can be bitter and cynical at times. I can use profanities and wish bad to happen to some but deep inside I can see that buddha I chase calling to me with a calm smile. I can look beyond my fear based hates of politicians and others and see his smile beyond in a constantly changing face of man and woman and often see that face within my crowded mind and the world around me.
I am not my toxic feelings.
They are like farts we let loose but we are NOT the farts.
We are the person digesting the good food that may create and let them go. We are the strength in the good we choose to be. Everything else is a temporary bad stench that is ONLY me only US if we choose to be that or allow others to define us as THAT and believe it.
I am the person getting up from many falls in the past present and future and choosing to wave and smile (often wearily) at the sometimes distant sometimes near smile of the calm loving buddha beckoning me… forward and in the moment to be that calm that love that smile. To be my own scarred flawed imperfect buddha self.