In mid January, what may have been my last great love affair ended. Slowly. Stuttering to a halt with the usual bitching it to death until I made one last peaceful loving video and left it at that. If that video is ever seen, it is how I want to be remembered. We get to a point in relationships where we cannot argue the other to change for a better relationship and just let it and them go.
I have wanted a positive way of looking at Valentines Day and today I found it and lived it:
I thought of as many past lovers as I could. I smiled at them in my mind. If there was something I felt I had done stupid painfully to them, I apologized. I wished each person a happy life and wished them happiness that THEY HAD found a truly loving relationship that worked. I don’t know if all of them are still alive (my past lovers). I can only blow them peaceful lovingkindness kisses from inside and hope somehow they can feel it and if there remains any bad feeling after so many years… that it can be eased, forgotten and or forgiven.
I was married for a brief 4 years long ago. She done me wrong marriage but…like an animal looking for the best way to survive, she found what was best for HER (an old lover and hey she got citizenship in the USA for me and her kid due to ME!). It’s been a long time. I shrug it off now.
I thought of and think of the GOOD times I may have had with some past loves and no it was not all about sex so long ago 😉
I have always been very hard on myself. I wanted to be so good to people and you cannot force that on someone. Relationships when young are often merely PRACTICE. For some the connection is made right away and the practice becomes a marriage of practice for life. Such as my parents and 2 siblings.
I never had a relationship that lasted for life but I LEARNED HOW TO LOVE. I feel I graduated a long time ago. I learned so much. Lived so much LOVING AND LEARNING TO LOVE.
As I said, the hardest part of so many relationships endings were FORGIVING MYSELF even after that Other had forgiven me. That now is something I need to do. I have sent my love and loving kindness out to all my past loves and forgiven any I feel may have hurt me or my Ego 😉
We all need to learn to love ourselves and … FORGIVE ourselves as well. Something we may find easy to do with others and hard to do with ourselves.
All this shows me that there is ANOTHER way at looking at “Valentines Day”. It can a way of inner cleaning. Love Cleaning. Growth. I don’t want any of my ex lovers: We all change and life goes on. I simply try to find a peace and life-love; a memory love of those past relationships and a healing of myself that no other can do.
I think we all need to do this.
It’s part of being a Loving Person 🙂