In May (as some that know me are aware) I suffered blood clots deep and shallow in my leg veins. Yes very dramatic. I think I was over dramatic because it and the doctors I went to see scared the shit out of me. They put me on blood thinners and all has improved.

I used-to walk a lot but quit due to the clots. There was a line of veins in my left leg that was very painful for over a month and at times weeks after. I noticed I was gaining weight. Oh hell! I admit I was doing it apathetically! GALLON OF ICE CREAM EVERY WEEK END!

It had to end.

One day getting out of the shower I noticed what I thought was my dad in the bathroom with his big belly hanging out. NOOOOOOOOO THAT WAS ME! I HAD BECOME WHAT MY FATHER LOOKED LIKE IN HIS LAST YEARS!

I did a little SHAME reading about weight and dieting. I knew it all before but it was a refresher for me. Simple equation of less calories, burn more energy = weight loss. I had thought that the physical work in the factory burned many calories. Yes and no: Our bodies get used-to repeated activities and exercises. Need to stress the body MORE. Challenge it. Like learning: Exercise the mind more, stronger mind.

Monday I went for the first walk (35 minutes) I have done in over a month. Felt good. All week walks except for Friday. Today, an hour walk. Weight loss has been very slow. Belly looks smaller maybe in my imagination. Self esteem is larger.

I have gone off and on a CLEAN diet for a few years. I know HOW to lose weight but sometimes that gets short circuited and THE JUNK FOOD RULES! Then back to working on living healthier.

I don’t think of it as “dieting”. I think of it as “living healthier”.

I have read how some say that if you live healthy with clean habits you will die anyway. Sure. Like so much in life I believe it is the JOURNEY THAT MATTERS. I feel better living a lower cleaner caloric life. Not smoking (quit when I was 20). Not drugging (quit at 28). Not drinking (quit around 20 years ago). I FEEL better NOT eating foods bad for me. Last week I wondered why I was hungry all the time. It then occurred to me that I was going through WITHDRAWAL because junk sugars are ADDICTIVE.

At 62 and having worked in a factory for 40 years, I am feeling the aches and pressures of time on my body and mind. The worst mental ache is being forgetful at times. I don’t want to go down like my dad did: Boozing, depressed, very fat, a little crazy and full of anger. No. I may be deep in debt and piss poor but I will do my best to be my best and live a good life to the best of my economic circumstance now. At work my boss often wants me to push myself to work harder. PHYSICAL WORK. I keep telling him “I do my best”. I don’t think he understands it. We cannot push ourselves and be as others want but we CAN give it our best. NOT the imagined best of others. In that, we are winners. By looking at my life and giving it all I have to give to be good and be better in this life then I am in my own way… a Winner.

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